One day three men were walking along and came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea how to do it.

The first man prayed and said, "Please, Lord, give me the strength to cross this river."
POOF! He was given huge, muscular arms and legs, and he managed to swim across the river in two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed, "Lord, give me the strength and ability to cross this river."
POOF! A rowboat appeared, along with powerful muscles in his arms, and he crossed the river within an hour.

The third man, seeing the results of the power of prayer, asked, "Please, God, could you grant me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross the river?"

ZAP! God turned him into a woman. She checked a map, walked a few yards downstream, and crossed over the bridge.

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Once upon a time, a sardar applied to a Medical School needless to say he never made it - you know why ????

These are the answers he gave:
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - the study of fine paintings
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u
Caesarian Section - a district in Rome
Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing
Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty
Chronic - neck of a crow
Coma - punctuation mark
Cortisone - area around local court
Cyst - short for sister
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana
Dislocation - in this place
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
Enema - not a friend
False Labour - pretending to work
Genes - blue denim
Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile
Hernia - she is close by
Hymen - greeting to several males
Impotent - distinguished / well-known
Labour Pain - hurt at work
Lactose - people without feet
Lymph - walk unsteadily
Menopause - I no wait
Microbes - small dressing gowns
Obesity - City of Obe
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
Protein - in favor of teens
Pulse - grain
Pus - small cat
Red Blood Count - Dracula
Rupture - Ecstasy
Secretion - hiding anything
Subcutaneous - not cute enough
Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"
Tablet - small table
Tumor - extra pair
Ultrasound - radical noise
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - very close
Vas Deferens - extremely different
Vein - at what time?
Vitreous Humor - both witty & funny

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Sardarji gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, and sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.

Sardarji: I've been promoted as branch manager.

Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.................

Because his doctor advised him ;Today's dinner should be light!

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant: It's already raining. Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go !

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji. He wrote; DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!!

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How'll U divide, 3 children? Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR!

Sardarji where were u born? Sardarji: Punjab. Man: "Which part?" Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab.

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Three men were sitting together bragging about howthey had set their new wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Delhi and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Bangalore. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a Bombay girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day .............some of the swelling had gone down .............so he could see a little out of his left eye!

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The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I love you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why do you think I proposed?

Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home
After 6 months: BACK!!
After 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today?

Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone
After 6 months: Here, for you
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE!

Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: AGAIN!

New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?

TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie
After 6 years: I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to
Bed, I can stay up by myself.

Don't Talk to an Indian Fellow Passenger On a Flight.

An American gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to an Indian. He immediately turns to him and makes his move.

"You know," says the American, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The Indian, who had just opened his book, closes it slowly and says to the American guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the Indian. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The American guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the Indian, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Actual Bumper Stickers
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW..
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Can You Get Married in Heaven?

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out", and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple was still waiting.

As they waited, they discussed that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER?

Memons Obituary

The phone rang in the obituary department of a Karachi local newspaper.

'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked a Memon caller
'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir, ' the clerk replied politely. 'Fine,' said Ghapphar Bhai after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Rajjakbhai- dead'.'
'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly. 'That's it.' 'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'
'Yes, you should've,' snapped Ghapphar Bhai. "Abhi jara souchnay dau eik minute" .......

"okay, likho: Rajjakbhai dead. Suzuki for Sale."'

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A man had two great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down,
another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the best game of World Cup, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup
Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else... a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at her funeral."