Marriage
- Part I
A typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
1) "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at the time I want and
I don't expect any hassle from you.
2)I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I
won't be home for dinner.
3)I'll go hunting, fishing, drinking and card-playing when I want with
my buddies and don't you ever complain about it. "Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride replied, "No, that's all just fine with me. But please
understand that there will be sex here at
seven o'clock
every night... whether you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
****************************
Marriage
(Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed
either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and
rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage
(Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in
spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts
at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage (Part V) The
Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other
the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at
5:00 AM
for
an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break
the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at
5:00
AM
." He left
it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was
9:00 AM
and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is
5:00 AM
.
Wake up."
************************************
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
:-D