But really, the situation is not as bad as we think. It’s worse.

A survey in 1958 showed that the top 5 problems schools faced were:

1. Homework
2. Not respecting property (breaking windows, throwing books)
3. Leaving lights on and windows open
4. Throwing spitballs in class (Ah, the good old days!)
5. Running in the halls

A similar survey in 1988 (one generation later) brought these results:

1. Abortion
2. AIDS
3. Rape
4. Drugs
5. Fear of violent death (gunshot or stabbing)

(Anyone with a 2005 survey?)

It is tempting to think that time whizzed past so fast, we were not able to notice these changes or do anything about them. The truth is more likely to reveal that we let our guard down pathetically.

The sign of changing times shows up like a slimy slug trail. Once in a while, we step into the muck, grimace and attempt to wipe it off our soles while still retaining some pretence to elegance. But muck is muck, no matter how shiny it looks.

It seems impossible that the smiling, cherubic faces of toddlers can morph into scowling, ever-angry features in just a few sparse years. I have often wondered if categorizing children into behaviour-groups (Terrible Twos, Frustrating Fours, Rebellious Teens) is not a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A child who is repeatedly told he is stupid, ‘becomes’ so. If a child hears that as a teenager, he will mutate into a rude, rebellious, irresponsible individual, will he not also ‘become’ so?

Enter Islam with yet another instance of its comprehensiveness. The catchphrase of Islam is often touted as ‘moderation’, but I would like to add another - discipline. It is a beautiful word that has become taboo. Where once it was used to signify a high state of character, it is now seen as a boring, unimaginative principle. (Rules are made to be broken and all that)

But true Muslims thrive on discipline. There is an inner joy in living according to the laws of Allah (SWT) and a safety too, because these rules help when the rest of our human abilities fail. A perfect example is the parent-child relationship.

Although we rely on love to dictate our behaviour with family, it is a volatile emotion. Without the reigning hand of reason, it has potential for more harm than good. When love falters, hate, jealousy, anger and frustration clamour for the emotional forefront.

Children are the treasurers of True Knowledge passed down over generations. They must be guided towards this responsibility and that is why Islam establishes parents as an authority over them - to teach them right from wrong, and lead them towards Allah (SWT).

The essence of this relationship -- a mix of honour, authority, awe and love -- is in a balance of the formal and the informal, of mind and heart. Islam ensures that a conscientious child will respect his parents even when natural emotional attachment between them is not strong.

If they are lucky enough to love each other, then the relationship transcends into one of the most blessed and satisfying in the world.

Either way, the family is preserved.

I often wondered what the solution to our current-day dilemma could be and failed to come up with anything. Until I read this gem from ‘Sahifa-e-Sajjadiya’:

“[O Lord!] Make me fear my parents as I would fear a despotic ruler and love them with the tenderness of an indulgent mother.

“Let my obedience to my parents and service to them be sweeter to my eyes than sleep is to the drowsy, and cooler to my chest than drinking water is to the thirsty,

“So that I may prefer their wishes to mine and give precedence to the satisfaction of their needs over mine,

“Let me over-value their benevolence to me even in small matters and under-value my kindness to them even in great matters.
…

“O Lord! That speech in which they were unjust to me or that action in which they were immoderate to me, or such of my claims as they failed to satisfy or such debts as they failed to discharge, Verily, I forgive them and favour them in that regard. I ask of You that you remove the burden of its penalty from them.
…

“Their claim on me is so great, their benevolence to me so magnificent and I am so obliged to them, that I cannot fairly meet or repay their rights as they deserve.
…
(Excerpt: Supplication No. 24)

When we ask why our children cause us so much grief and why they do not respect their parents as previous generations did, the answer is simple, really.

You do not expect a child who studies at an art college to graduate and go into medical practice, similarly you do not expect a child brought up on sitcoms, movies and fiction to behave according to Islam.

We have the problem and we have the solution. Now, we need to apply one to the other and let the amazing stuff happen.

By Fatima Jaffer, Nairobi, Kenya