When a marriage takes place, there is acceptably a very taxing period of adjustment for all parties involved, but notably the new bride. Does the husband understand this? Is he conscious and in fact empathetic to the needs of support of the wife? Does he mould her in a nature suitable to family norms and Islamic sheria? Or is he busy whiling his precious leisure time with friends of bachelorhood? What is his role in the family in as far as this process is concerned? And in fact, without having to go any further, it may be sufficient to say that following this union of two families, the level of responsibility of a man suddenly grows manifold and should he fail to realise and or act accordingly, the chances of disaster concocted by his absentia is left unquarantined.

The wife too, despite her very delicate position, needs to express and exhibit a very high level of patience and perseverance, realising that a new life is bound to bring overwhelming changes. She would have to contend with the miniscule ripples that are generated against her mother in law. She as well has to set up a defined line of balance between her in-laws and her own birth family so that ambiguity arising out of her actions is arrested at the onset.

The parents, perhaps most significantly, play a pivotal role in the survival of any new marriage. Their apt leadership and stylish control, their fabulous support and careful guidance must in the end be aimed at giving strength and support to each new role-player so that their useful experience is not only shared by this new couple, but is lived as well.

But because we do not live in ideal life conditions, we seldom find the above description to be as easy to deliver as it is to spell out. Human relationships, unlike occupational jobs, have no job description or terms of reference attached to them. More often than not, there is a vast amount of non verbal communication and silent understanding that takes the place of any speech-giving or right demanding. In this very daily life, Jamaats are flooded with requests of divorces that emanated from petty and trivial issues such as “the girl does not know how to cook…”, or that “there is too much parental interference…”.

Naturally, it would be unfair to classify all of these as nonsensical, because while they should not conditionally lead to a dissolution of marriage, they should most certainly be avoided by appropriate preparation before marriage. Of course, there are those very serious problems related to extra marital relationships or otherwise, which may fall out of scope here, but the bottom line is still the same…that for as long as we continue demanding our own individual rights, and attempt to break away from the responsibilities affixed to the award of such rights, we will yet again falter, and with that our family systems, and consequently our community setup will suffer.

There is no recipe, just hard work and responsibility.